


Stuck in time

by justwritingforfun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Finding Himself, It ends well I promise.., Sachiro running his fist along the wall incase that is a hard topic for you to read!, Self-Hatred, highschool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26169187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justwritingforfun/pseuds/justwritingforfun
Summary: No matter how much Hirugami practiced, it seemed he could never catch up to his peers. He never understood why, he was miles ahead of them in skill.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Stuck in time

**_ It feels like I only go backwards, baby. _ **

No matter how much Hirugami practiced, it seemed he could never catch up to his peers. He never understood why, he was miles ahead of them in skill.

Yet for some reason, during games, they seemed to work better than him.

He didn’t care anyway. They were all fools.

If a teammate failed, they would pat them on the back and say “There’s always next time.”

It infuriated him to no end. How on earth were they supposed to improve if everyone let them away with their mistakes? The ones who slipped up would always feel better after the others reassurance and carry on.

Now that, that always confused him.

How could you notice a flaw in yourself, cost a point in a game over it, and not go to practice until perfecting the task felt like second nature?

He stayed silent about the matter, opting to think he should worry about himself and keep polishing his skills so he can get into a school that values actual improvement in volleyball.

So that’s what he did.

For the rest of his year, wherever he went, silence followed.

Keeping everything he wanted to say in his own mind, letting the words twist and torture him overtime.

**_ Every part of me is saying “go ahead.” _ **

“I’m sorry.”

Hirugami doesn’t know how many times those words had slipped past his lips during that match, he doesn’t know why he said them either. He wasn’t feeling apologetic to them, he was feeling frustrated at himself.

Blocks were failed, receives were unsuccessful. The score was 14-6, the other team was in favor.

Sweat was running down him, yet he felt tears threatening to burst out and join the other liquid as all of his juniors stared up at his frozen form.

_ My siblings wouldn’t cry. _

_ I need to build a bridge, and get over it. _

So he built one, but with flimsy materials.

Materials that would only hold him up for a couple more steps.

He didn’t care, he’d build it over, over and over again. As many times as it took to keep himself standing, and not sinking in the water that all his previous teammates had fallen into after slacking.

The bridge was only strong enough to hold him.

**_ I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again. _ **

Hirugami didn’t get it. He had focused on all of the strengths that he was lacking in the last game until failing them would be as rare as a blue moon.

Yet in their match today, he was the weak link.

Once again.

_ Was everyone just....better than me? _

_ Did I not try hard enough? _

_ I need to practice more. _

So he practiced. He practiced until the burning in his lungs after running too far felt natural, until the splitting feelings in his thighs was the worlds way of telling him to just push through and get stronger. Until the stinging on his palms felt like a glove that he’d feel cold without.

Until the sound of his serve hitting the other side was loud enough to drown out his thoughts.

Until laying on the cold, hard ground, trying to catch his breath became more familiar than resting in his bed.

Until every moment he was not playing volleyball felt like wasted time.

~~_ Until it became a need, and not a want to play volleyball, a task, no longer a hobby. _ ~~

**_ Feels like we only go backwards, darling. _ **

Sachiro learned to hate the name Hirugami.

The name made his teammates feel too intimidated to talk to him, too intimidated to criticize his plays.

It put him up on the same pedestal that his siblings stood up on.

Yet their ones were sturdy, built of metal while his was made out of twigs and vines.

Even as he walked out of the gym to cool down, he still felt the crunch of twigs underneath his shoes alert everyone around him into backing off.

Even as he stood there while everyone is away, he felt the vines creep around his ankles, quickly keeping him in place as they traveled up, spreading through his body to keep him immobilized.

_ How pitiful. _

_ I’m held here with my own stupid thoughts and idiotic self. _

_ I should stop wasting time. _

Lifting his fist up he looked at the way the knuckles turned white, tightening from his own subconscious feeling vines wrapping tighter around them.

_ Pathetic. _

His knuckles found its way to the rock wall beside him.

Dragging his hand along as he walked forward, he only watched red blotches take places where the supposedly ripped vines would be.

“What the heck are you doing?!?”

Fingers much smaller than his own wrapped around the vines that surrounded his bag, not caring about the pain that would inflict on them as he pulled the other back from the wall.

Words fell out of Sachiro’s mouth faster than he could stop them, mixing in with the wind that passed by as the boy in front of him listened intently.

“Okay.”

The shorter one brought a tissue up, taking Sachiro’s hand in his to wipe away at his damaged knuckles.

“Then why don’t you quit?”

All of the vines suddenly fell from him, the twigs crumbling as he fell back down to the ground.

Every shackle on Sachiro flew away as he faced the boy in front of him. 

_ Quit? _

The thought had never crossed his mind.

From the second he was born and to the minute he spent to gather his thoughts now, it had always been volleyball.

Yet as this boy, Hoshiumi Kourai, broke down his worries that built up over the years with one simple sentence, he starts to wonder why he never realized it was just that easy.

As Sachiro looked at the sun that settled in front of them, he couldn’t help but feel like he could finally breathe.

He felt like falling to the floor and crying, felt like he wanted to let himself free for all of those years he kept himself hidden behind the term volleyball.

_ So he did, He let himself free. _

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by the song ‘it feels like we only go backwards.’ by tame impala!! i don’t really know what this fic was but..whoever reads it i hope they enjoy!


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